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Tuesday, February 7th, 2012
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COMFORTING THE AFFLICTED - AFFLICTING THE COMFORTABLE |
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PRINCE CHARLES IN HOSPITAL
Prince Charles was admitted to a hospital in London, yesterday, with a hernia.
A spokesman for the Prince said, "He is in a bit of pain, but is comfortable at the moment. We always warned him not to carry his wallet himself. Usually three servants carry it for him. He will know better in future".
This is not the first time that Prince Charles had injured himself needlessly. It was well reported that some years ago he broke his leg in a riding accident. Carmilla Parker Bowles was uninjured at the time.
SADDAM'S KEBAB SHOP DEMOLISHED BY CRUISE MISSILE
News today that Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein's Kebab shop in Station Road has been demolished by a Cruise Missile.
The Cruise Missile was thought to have been fired by a U.S. Navy ship in Carmarthen Bay.
The Kebab shop has been in Station Road for a few months and was very popular with the local people.
Interviewed after the incident Mr Hussein said, "I am totally devastated. I put so much work into this shop over the past few months. My customers, also, are devastated".
Asked what his plans for the future are, Saddam said, "I think I will stay in Llanelli, I might even become a candidate for the Welsh Assembly. I believe there are many people there who share my views".
LOST TRIBE FOUND NEAR PONTYBEREM
 Remnants of a long lost tribe were found, this week, living in caves near Pontyberem.
The tribe, which was called the "Wideos", was thought to have died out over fifteen hundred years ago. They were common-place in the outlying districts of the town, such as Tumble, Pontyberem, Pontiets and Ponthenri.
They were found by a team of arkiologists achyolojists arkyol people from the University of Wales which were examining the countryside in the area.
A spokesman said, "This is unbelievable. We have never come across anything like them before. They must be studied more closely and they must be protected from the stresses and strains of modern life. Therefore we have decided to give them all jobs with Carmarthenshire County Council, which we hope will bring them gently into the twenty first century".
LOCAL COMPANY DEVELOPS NEW MOBILE PHONE
 A local company, Sven Electronics, has developed a new generation mobile phone. The phone which as well as text and voice delivery, can access the Internet, is called the Yodaphone.
Managing director Richard Elms said, "This is a great day for our company. We have spent a long time developing this phone". Asked why the phone was named the Yodaphone, he said, "Well it is small, green and can access any information and knowledge, so we decided to name it after the Jedi Master".
On hearing this, Yoda said, "Glad to recommend this phone I am, but do not download music files. Leads to the dark side, that path does".
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TONY BLAIR TO STAR IN RE-MAKE OF LAWRENCE OF ARABIA
 It was announced today that Prime Minister Tony Blair is to star in the re-make of the film, Lawrence of Arabia.
The original film was a story about how T.E. Lawrence helped the Arabs free themselves from rule by the Turks during the first world war. It will be updated to include the Iraq War.
There will be a cast of stars including, Nicholas Cage as Prince Faisal, Catherine Zeta Jones as the spy Mata Hari and U.S Vice President Dick Cheney as Aladdin.
The film, which will cost about 100 billion dollars to make, is from an idea by the American Enterprise Institute. It will be directed by Ariel Sharon.
CLIFF RICHARD: "I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED CHEWBACCA"
Eternal bachelor boy Cliff Richard said in a TV program at the weekend that he should have married former Star Wars star Chewbacca, who he had an affair with in the 1980s.
Cliff, who has been a pop star since the 1950s, said, "Chew was the only person in my life who fully understood me. I was devastated that we did not marry. I think Chew thought that Star Wars was more important than me".
While Cliff has continued to be successful in the pop charts, Chewbacca has joined the BBC as a sports presenter and commentator.
Editor's Note:
If you are wondering where this story came from, I was watching a program about Cliff Richard one weekend when I thought the narrator said that Cliff had an affair with Chewbacca in the 1980s. In fact it was Sue Barker. Now you know how my mind works.
BUSH AND BLAIR TO MARRY AFTER WAR
News today that President of the U.S.A, George W. Bush and Prime Minister of Britain, Tony Blair, are to get married after the gulf war.
There has been continuing speculation of the last few months that their relationship was more than friendship. A spokesman for the happy couple said, "We are delighted, it has been difficult keeping this from the media these past year or so, but, at last we can reveal the truth".
The wedding will take place at St Pauls Cathedral in London on the 15th of June. The best man will be Richard Perle, best known for his ‘America uber alles’ policies and the maid of honour will be Michael Portillo.
ON-THE-SPOT FINES FOR UGLY PEOPLE
New laws to curb anti-social behaviour and yob culture come into force this week.
From now on, all ugly people must keep ten metres from anyone else or they will be fined £50 on-the-spot.
Other new measures include, a law which forces Morfa residents to show their passports if they visit the town centre. Also, laws to ban the wearing of shell-suits in Ammanford and a law banning people from talking rubbish in the St Elli shopping centre.
Police spokesman, L.O.L.O.L.O Watts, said, "These new laws will improve the quality of life in the area for everybody".
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This is a satire website. Any story that seems connected
to allegations against the stupid, ignorant, evil, greedy
or bigoted, is purely a coincidence.
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