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(Just thought you would like to know the latest BBC News)
Nick Clegg "MUST
RETURN TO SCHOOL"
It seems Nick Clegg's ambition to be the next Prime Minister, has been thwarted. The headmaster of the school he attends has said that Clegg "must return to school", next Monday, or face the consequences.
John Robertson, the headmaster of Sheffield High School, told the Scar, "We didn't mind when Nick was elected MP for Sheffield Hallam, as this was essentially a part time job and we like our pupils to experience the world of work, before they leave school".
"Unfortunately being Prime Minister, or having a government post, will interfere with Nick's school work and therefore cannot be permitted. I realise that Nick has set his heart on this, but rules are rules. If he does not return to school on monday, he will have to write out a hundred times, 'I must not stand for Prime Minister again', this is my final word on this".
This is not the first time Nick Clegg has angered the headmaster of his school. Last year he was suspended for a month after he made a speech in the House of Commons supporting less homework.
Complete the danged fence
Critics Hail New ITV Shows
Television critics of all the major newspapers have hailed the planned new shows in ITV's Autumn schedule as, "The best ever".
Reacting to criticism that their programmes are getting blander and blander, ITV seem to have been getting the message and have invested heavily in original productions.
In the Autumn as well as old favourites like, "The World's Wackiest Management Consultants", there are to be new shows such as, "Britain's Naughtiest Architects", "How Clean is Your Grandmother", "Help! My Children are Normal!", "You've Been Suckered Into Watching This Show", "Police, Camera, Ignore Crime" and "The World's Funniest Funerals".
It has also been announced that ITV4 will be broadcasting non stop adverts, throughout the day for a trial period, to see if they get more viewers than the normal programming.
General Election Results
RUPERT MURDOCH/LORD ASHCROFT 306
LABOUR 258
LIBDEMS 57
PLAID CYMRU 3
Captain Pugwash Defects to Libdems
Kipper me capstans! Shocking news from the campaign trail today, Captain Pugwash the MP for St Levan and St Buryan, has defected from the Pirate Party UK(http://www.pirateparty.org.uk), to the Liberal Democrats.
The good Captain has been a very popular MP, since his election to Parliament in 1992.
In recent years there has been a lot of friction between Pugwash and the Pirate Party UK hierarchy, notably the dispute over whether the smuggling of brandy from Portugal should continue to be party policy and the unfortunate "incident" concerning Tom the Cabin Boy.
Aboard the Black Pig anchored off St Levan, Captain Pugwash explained his defection. "Suffering seagulls! I have had enough of the mutinous dogs in the Pirate Party, It be the Liberal Democrats for me at the general election. They really know how to splice the mainbrace and jigga the oyster".
Cameron Vows to Turn Back Ash Cloud
Conservative leader, David Cameron, has vowed to turn back the ash cloud, which has covered the country since the Icelandic volcano eruption.
Cameron blamed the situation on Prime Minister Gordon Brown saying, "This would have never happened under a Conservative government. If we win the general election next month, I will personally go up to the north of Scotland and wave a giant union jack flag at the cloud".
"That will definitely stop the disruption. Everybody knows that waving a union jack and singing patriotic songs at the top of your voice, will solve everything that is wrong about our country".
"If we are elected, the interests of England Britain will be paramount to our government. We can never give in to foreign ash clouds".
This is a satire website. Any story that seems connected
to allegations against the stupid, ignorant, evil, greedy
or bigoted, is purely a coincidence.
England
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It seems Nick Clegg's ambition to be the next Prime Minister, has been thwarted. The headmaster of the school he attends has said that Clegg "must return to school", next Monday, or face the consequences.
Television critics of all the major newspapers have hailed the planned new shows in ITV's Autumn schedule as, "The best ever".
Kipper me capstans! Shocking news from the campaign trail today, Captain Pugwash the MP for St Levan and St Buryan, has defected from the Pirate Party UK(
Conservative leader, David Cameron, has vowed to turn back the ash cloud, which has covered the country since the Icelandic volcano eruption.
